Toddlers and Technology: Parenting with Simple Values in a Complex Modern World

Is technology all it’s cracked up to be? Does it really bring the freedom that it promises? Does it provide that perfect combination of entertainment and education for our children? Does social media actually bring you closer to friends and family?

My husband and I have made a very conscious choice to live a simple, quiet life. We grew up before smart phones and Facebook had been invented. We learned how to use touch screens as adults. We have both decided to come off social media in our 30s, after observing and experiencing the negative consequences of being part of an online community that is not always kind.

This year, we have welcomed our beautiful baby into our little family. And now we are re-evaluating all our choices and considering how to explain why we have chosen to live the way we do. We know that our little one will observe the differences in our lifestyle as compared to those around us, and will soon be asking questions!

In a nutshell, we endeavour to be good global citizens. We try to make choices that minimise harm to the planet, animals and other people.

It just so happens that living very intentionally in this way has also reaped huge rewards for us in terms of boosting mental health, minimising stress and staying as fit and active as possible.

In my professional line of work away from the smallholding, I often encounter children, young people and their families. All too frequently, I see adults handing a smart phone or other device to their child as a means of entertaining them. Sadly, I am no longer surprised when I observe children as young as 2 or 3 years old expertly operate the device in their hands, little fingers tapping away on the touch screen to navigate to their favourite cartoon, take a photo or to play a game.

Parents used to appear somewhat sheepish as they placed their device in their child’s hands. They used to mumble an excuse about it being a means to an end, a way to keep their wee one quiet for a few minutes so that they could have a conversation.

More recently, I generally hear parents explaining that they do not want their child to be behind when they go to school, given how prevalent tablets and laptops have become in the educational setting. They want to make sure that their child knows how to operate any device they might encounter before they start primary school.

What are parents to do for the best? If these devices are being employed in school, then surely there is evidence of benefit to support their use in these settings? Therefore, are parents who choose to withhold screens and devices doing their children a disservice?

I realised that I needed to answer all these questions and more in order to make a decision about the use of technology in our home, especially as the little one becomes more aware of what is going on over the coming months.

What does the evidence say about exposing children to smart devices?

Children’s brains are still growing and developing up until around 3 years of age. New pathways and connections form every day in response to each new experience.

This is why the first 1000 days of a child’s life are so critical. A range of experiences which support children in achieving their developmental milestones are key.

The hard work doesn’t end there, though. After age 3, the brain begins to pare away pathways which are not used. So continued breadth of experience and exposure is highly important.

However, this does not necessarily mean that parents should provide a constant supply of entertainment or prescriptive activities for their children.

In fact, allowing your child(ren) to get bored of one activity and plan the next one has multiple benefits, including creativity, resourcefulness and independence.

Outdoor free play has been shown to be especially beneficial, resulting in a recommendation that children should spend at least three hours per day outside.

How can devices impact on the developing brain?

The negative consequences of interactive technology are many and varied. Video games and apps which feature infinite scrolling are so addictive because the user experiences a rush of dopamine, one of the brain’s happy hormones. The enjoyment and entertainment experienced during this type of screentime quickly surpasses anything else on offer to them.

Dutiful parents may rightly become concerned about the amount of time that their child wants to spend on their screen. They may place limits on daily screen time or take the screens away altogether. Cue tears, cross words and temper tantrums.

These parents will soon also see that their child has become so rapidly accustomed to being entertained by their device, that they very quickly become bored once limits are placed on screen time, but they are no longer able to come up with ideas for independent play.

If children are allowed to prioritise screen time over other activities, they quickly lose important neural pathways related to social skills, music, problem-solving, sports, art and so much more.

There is no evidence that the use of tablets or laptops in place of text books, pens and paper aids learning. In fact, we do know that the act of reading a physical book and studying using pen and paper stimulates a range of senses. This means that information obtained using these tools is more likely to be committed to long-term memory.

It is therefore no surprise that teachers are reporting a rise in behavioural problems, alongside decreased ability to research and learn new information, now that screens are becoming increasingly prevalent.

My Approach

Given the speed with which devices and information technology have advanced over recent years, it is almost impossible to envisage what we will be dealing with in five or 10 years’ time. So I am trying to focus on the coming months and years, rather than getting carried away.

Knowing all of the information outlined above, I find it very hard to justify exposing my baby to screens at all and I feel compelled to police this heavily over the coming years.

I want to support our little one to strive to achieve every dream and follow every passion. I want to instil confidence to try new things, part of which comes from having a bedrock of good basic skills, an inquiring mind and a desire to learn and explore.

The very last thing I would want to do would be to place any limitations on my baby’s creativity and development, as a result of employing a screen for entertainment purposes.

As with all things in parenting, this has to start with my husband and I setting a good example. “Be the person you want your child to be” has become a mantra in our home.

This is such a special season of our lives. I want to feel present during the time we spend as a family. I never want to look back and think that I prioritised scrolling through YouTube instead of giving 100% of my attention to my baby.

So, I am trying to minimise the use of screens around the little one. I want to set high standards from the very beginning that phones are for communication, not entertainment.

We have banned phones at the dinner table. And if either of us picks up our phone when there are other people in the room, we have to explain why we are looking at our phone.

Instead of spending “family time” watching television or scrolling on our phones, we are prioritising time outside, showcasing some of our favourite hobbies. Hopefully our little one will share at least some of our interests. But if not, at least we will be showing support and encouragement to try a variety of new activities. And there will certainly be plenty of opportunities for creative outdoor play.

If all goes to plan, the very limited exposure to screens at home, coupled with our outdoorsy smallholding life, should result in a very wholesome upbringing.

I would love to hear how other parents have navigated this challenge. Please leave a comment with any thoughts, tips or ideas!