Do You Have to Return to Work After Maternity Leave?

Women of today are expected to do it all; look after the children and maintain the home whilst also going out to work to support their family financially. But where do new parents stand if they do not wish to return to work after maternity or parental leave? How common is it for new mums to take an extended career break or even leave their careers to become a stay-at-home parent? I have done a great deal of research and reflection on this subject, and would like to share my thoughts with you.

My journey on this topic began in the early days motherhood. As I rocked my precious little one back to sleep in the wee small hours of the morning, the full weight of responsibility hit me. I was my baby’s sole source of nourishment and main source of comfort. I had grown this little human over the previous nine months. I had the absolute privilege of ensuring that every need was taken care of moving forward. I felt like it was all on me. And this did not frighten me in the least.

I knew in that moment that I would really struggle to leave my baby in anyone else’s care. And then another realisation hit me. Why should I entrust this little treasure to anyone else?

I had poured so much time and energy into researching and deliberating about the type of parent I wanted to be. I had bored my husband senseless, talking at him for hours about Montessori, gentle parenting, baby-led weaning, cloth nappies and elimination communication.

As an added bonus, my background in healthcare meant I already had a good understanding of how to support our new baby to achieve their full potential.

Why would we pay anyone else to take care of our child when I was more than qualified to do so?

But the real crux of it was that, ultimately, nobody else knew this little person as well as I did. With the best will in the world, nobody else would help to guide and shape them with our core values and beliefs at heart.

And yet, the expectation of everyone around me was that I would enjoy a “year off” with my baby, and then arrange for a stranger to look after them for several days each week so that I could return to work.

A few months later, I took my little one to Rhyme Time at my local library. Amongst the other adults and children was a childminder with three toddlers in her care that day. During the half hour session, one little girl stood up and took her first steps, and the childminder looked aghast. “Oh no,” she exclaimed, “I’m going to have to pretend I haven’t seen that!”

That settled it for me. I felt so incredibly sad for the little girl, achieving something so momentous as taking her first steps, and receiving such a negative reaction. The childminder was so much more preoccupied about having to conceal this from the child’s parents that she did not even say, “Well done!”

When my little one achieves exciting milestones, I want to be there to share those special moments, and to offer praise and encouragement.

Maternity Leave in the UK

In the UK, new parents are eligible for up to 52 weeks of parental leave. This can all be taken by one parent or shared between both parents.If the new parents are employed prior to going on parental or maternity leave, they will be paid 90% of their salary for the first six weeks, and then statutory maternity pay for the following 39 weeks. Any additional leave after this is unpaid. Some employers offer a more generous maternity pay package, at their own discretion.

Employees are generally asked to sign an agreement regarding the amount of maternity leave they intend to take, including a planned return to work date, prior to the start of their maternity leave. This agreement often includes a clause stipulating a minimum return to work period, and a penalty that may be enforced if this minimum period is not completed.

Employees are also afforded some protection as part of these agreements; employers are required by law to keep the job open for the employee whilst they are on maternity leave.

I can entirely understand why employers seek to obtain these legally-binding assurances from soon-to-be parents. It can be quite an inconvenience for employers to appoint temporary maternity cover, and provide training for this temporary member of staff, whilst shouldering the expense of maternity pay.

However, it strikes me that both parties sign these agreements, when neither side has any idea what life will be like in a year’s time.

What if circumstances dictate that one or both parents cannot return to their previous working role at all? What if they require significant alterations to their working pattern? What if having a stay-at-home parent is preferable for the family? There is very little flexibility in the system to allow for this.

Returning to Work

Before I started my maternity leave, I had signed a contract with my employer, stipulating a planned return to work date. I had agreed that I would repay my enhanced occupational maternity pay if I did not return to work for three months at the end of my maternity leave.

I had been absolutely certain that I would return to work. I had spent over a decade building my career after many years of study and training. My husband and I had considered various ways that we could juggle childcare between ourselves, so that we could keep our little one out of nursery whilst I kept my hand in at work.

Because that is what most mothers did, wasn’t it? That is what “Girl Power” is all about. Being able to keep an immaculate home, raise outstanding children and maintain a successful career, all whilst walking in high heels with a perfectly made-up face.

The statistics certainly seem to support this. The proportion of working parents has increased over the past 10 years, with 73% of mothers now returning to work in some capacity after maternity leave.

Sold a Lie

For as long as I can remember, young women such as myself have been told that they can have it all. A high-flying career and a family. It is perfectly possible to succeed in both.

This narrative has become widely accepted by society as fact. So much so that women are expected to do it all. Yes, you may have to pay through the nose for childcare (assuming you can organise some). But aside from that, you should be able to go out to work, run the home and ensure you are raising well-adjusted, happy children.

In my humble opinion, we have been sold a big lie.

This rhetoric completely devalues the role of a parent. It does not acknowledge the hard work that goes into keeping a nice home. It does not give any credit to the challenges of being a full-time parent, ensuring that your child has all the support and positive stimulation they need to achieve their full potential.

Instead it puts women in an impossible position. We compare ourselves to other mothers who seem to be able to do it all. We are either filled with guilt if we choose to prioritise their family rather than contribute to society, or we’re left agonising over the fact that we no longer have our own money and are not contributing financially to the household.

And I think the financial aspect is the snag for most women in my position. It is becoming increasingly common for women to delay starting their family into their 30s, by which point they have enjoyed a decade or more of a successful career and financial independence. Once you have had a taste of that, it is really difficult to give that up altogether.

So, what do new parents need to consider when deciding whether to stay at home or return to work?

Benefits for Children of Having a Stay-at-Home Parent

Most of the data looking at positive influences on child development looks at parental presence and involvement, rather than having a stay-at-home parent per se. The evidence shows that spending consistent time and forming a strong bond with parents who are present, engaged and interested boosts children’s self-esteem.

Some studies suggest that having a stay-at-home parent is linked to lower stress levels than placing children in childcare.

Individualised, focused care from a parent has also been shown to improve development and increase academic performance throughout a child’s scholastic career.

Benefits of Being a Stay-at-Home Parent

Childcare is expensive and difficult to come by. Taking care of your own children avoids the need for this.

Staying at home allows you to focus entirely on your family, rather than trying to divide your time and manage conflicting responsibilities.

A big consideration for me is that children are only small for such a short time. You cannot get this time back! You only have one chance to experience all the “firsts” – first steps, first words, and many more. Staying at home is the only way to ensure you get to experience all of these special moments and milestones with your little one.

Being a stay-at-home parent also takes a lot of the stress out of school holidays when your child is older. Instead of passing your child like a baton between yourself and your partner, family or organised activities, you can spend all that special time with your wee one.

Potential Negatives for Children of Having a Stay-at-Home Parent

The positives mentioned above are very much dependent on having a parent who is engaged, motivated and keen to create meaningful experiences to support their child’s learning and development. Sadly, that cannot be said of all parents.

It is also important for children to socialise with other wee ones across a range of ages. So if you’re looking after your little one at home instead of sending them to nursery, try to get to a few clubs and groups each week, or organise play dates with other mums and their children.

Having a stay at home parent usually means that the family is dependent on a single income. This may mean fewer holidays, trips out and other treats.

Potential Negatives of Being a Stay-at-Home Parent

New mums who are used to having a steady income may find it difficult to adjust to being unemployed. It can be challenging to be financially dependent on your partner. But it is possible to get a side hustle going from home and bring in a little bit of cash.

Some women fear losing their identity by relinquishing their career and choosing to be a full-time parent. Especially if they have invested a great deal of time and energy into their career.

Running a home and raising children is demanding, and parental burn out is a well recognised phenomenon. It is difficult to get any self-care time when you spend your entire day taking care of the needs of everybody else.

The Bottom Line

I tied myself in knots, filled with parental guilt, until I realised: There really is no right or wrong answer here.

I did not need to compare myself to any other new parent. I did not have to prove myself to anyone else. I just had to determine what was best for me, and for my little family.

So my plan just now is to use my accrued holidays to cover the majority of my mandatory return to work period, and work my remaining hours on a flexible remote basis. I shall then take another year off as an unpaid career break, and reassess after that.

Top Tips

It is worth initiating open conversations regarding your options with your employer as early as possible. How flexible are they prepared to be with your working arrangements if and when you return to work? Do you want to take your accrued holidays from your maternity leave in a big block, or space them out to allow a more phased return to work? Is there any additional parental leave offered by the organisation to extend your time off? You may choose not to take an enhanced maternity package if you are uncertain about returning to work.

More generally, society can support new parents by allowing them the time and space to make their own decisions regarding childcare and whether or not to return to work, rather than making assumptions or projecting unhelpful opinions on them.