The Transition from High-Income Professional to Stay at Home Parent

Are you agonising over whether to return to work or stay at home with your baby? Are you wondering what it would be like to make the transition from young professional to stay at home parent? Maybe you are uncertain about how to adapt to such a big change? Read on to find out how I have managed it.

What is a Stay at Home Parent?

In a traditional two parent family, the stay at home parent takes on the majority of the responsibility for raising the child(ren), looking after the home and preparing meals. Generally the other parent will go out to work and provide an income for the family.

Honestly, being a stay at home parent is a full-time job. Indeed, it is a job which starts from a baseline of fatigue from getting up through the night and being up early in the morning with the little ones. It is a non-stop all day job, ensuring the children are cared for, keeping the house clean, preparing meals and snacks, washing clothes and dishes, shopping. The list goes on and on.

And yet, the role of the stay at home parent is so undervalued by today’s society, as I have explored in a previous post. There is no real financial recognition for parents who take on the task of full-time care giver. And sadly many look down upon stay at home parents, labeling them as lazy and entitled.

How is Life Different as a Stay at Home Parent?

Life as a full time stay at home parent is vastly different to life as a working young professional. The changes have impacted every area of my life, so I have broken it down into the following categories.

Marriage

My marriage has blossomed. I really cannot describe it in any other way.

When I was working full time in a stressful role, I would come home anxious and worn out after a difficult day at work. My mind would still be racing from the events of the day, and I would unload all of that on my husband. It really was not fair.

I had limited mental and physical energy to put into our home and gardens on my days away from work. To be honest, work was never far from my mind.

Since I left work for maternity leave, and especially since making the decision to take a more extended career break, my family and our smallholding have been my main and only priority. I have the mental energy to formulate plans with my husband about how best to support our toddler, our next projects on the smallholding, how to make best use of the produce coming in from the garden, what to plant next year, and so much more.

We have also been a lot more intentional about our time together once the little one is in bed. And, even though we do not have any childcare, we set aside Saturday evening as a date night. We watch a film and take time to reconnect with each other.

Friendships

I am an introvert, so tend to maintain a fairly small group of very close friends. Those in my innermost circle have been my best friends for many years. Others have come and gone depending on circumstances, such as a shared workplace or the season of life we were in at the time.

Parenthood brings about a huge change. Your priorities completely shift and you are entirely at the behest of your baby’s schedule.

It can be challenging to accept that, while you are at home enjoying those precious early weeks and getting to know your baby, the world keeps turning.

Friends who are not parents themselves may struggle to understand just how drastically life has changed for you. These friends may drift away from you a little.

You may find that you want a complete break from work whilst you are settling into parenthood. And staying out of office gossip and politics may mean spending less time with work colleagues. The very people that you likely spent the most time with, until going on maternity leave.

And so, becoming a new parent can be isolating. It can feel like you are pushing all your friends away, at the time in your life when you most need support.

I think that this is one of the biggest drivers for new parents making the decision to arrange childcare and return to work, at least part time.

I feel very lucky that I have found a supportive group of new mums in my area. Our little ones are all of a similar age and stage, so there is plenty of opportunity to seek advice and offer moral support.

And as the last in my circle of friends to become a mum, I have also had plenty of support and encouragement from my life-long pals.

Finances

As I have mentioned already, my role at work was well paid. Plenty to cover any personal expenses, contribute towards the household finances and set some money aside in savings.

I am now not earning at all (though I have high hopes for my blog!).

To be completely honest, I am perfectly happy spending most of my time outside in nature. I will gladly find entertainment for myself and the wee one in activities that are free or inexpensive.

Being crafty and creative is in my nature, so the wee one has everything she needs.

And I am incredibly lucky to have a supportive husband, who earns well and is happy to take care of the household expenses for the time being.

But I do miss having my own money. Just for little things. Such as when the group of mums suggest that we go for a coffee at the end of a walk. Or going to the hairdresser. I cannot shake the feeling of guilt when I think about using my husband’s hard-earned money for something frivolous for myself.

Time Management and Flexibility

I really struggled with the lack of autonomy during a day at work. My never-ending to-do list just grew longer and longer. It often felt like I had no control at all over my workload. This was just one of the reasons why I had reduced my working hours to less than full time.

As is fairly typical, I had fixed days at work and was required to give plenty of notice for any planned time off, which would only be granted if there was enough alternative cover.

My days at home with my toddler are not significantly different! I may have a plan for any given day, with a list of tasks to accomplish, and the wee one can turn that plan on its head if she’s having a bad day with teething.

I have had to learn to just go with the flow. Any essential tasks can always be completed during naptime or in the evening. And I have my little sidekick with me wherever I go.

Mental Health

As I have eluded to already, the lack of autonomy and the high-stress environment at work took its toll on my mental health. Having to divide my attention between a demanding job and responsibilities to my land and animals added another layer of anxiety and worry.

Being at home all the time, with everyone and everything I need to take care of all in one place, has helped dramatically. I can just nip over to the sick bay at intervals to check on the poorly hen. I am able to prepare three healthy meals from scratch every day to nourish my family. The dogs and my toddler ensure that I spend lots of time outside in nature every day. And I can still carve out a little bit of “me time” in the evenings.

I know that my mental health is better for it.

My decision to stay at home rather than look for childcare also gives me so much peace of mind. The wee one is being well cared for, by a parent who loves her, all day every day. She is being nourished with home-cooked food and supported one-to-one with a range of appropriate activities.

I know that I will be here to take care of my little one if she is unwell. There won’t be any phone calls from childminders asking me to come and collect my child because she is running a fever. I don’t have to make my excuses and leave work in the middle of the day.

Mental Stimulation

My role at work was very intellectual. I think many new parents, myself included, worry that their brains will turn to mush without regular adult conversation and proper academic stimulation.

I would now counter this by saying that, if you take a good approach to parenthood, every day can be filled with intelligent conversation, research and debate.

My husband and I both have scientific brains. Every decision that we make for ourselves, our family and our smallholding comes after lengthy research and consideration.

We have made a point of minimising screen time for the wee one. The benefits are two-fold. First, I am not stuck watching children’s TV until my brain cells atrophy. And second, those minutes and hours are instead spent engaging with my precious little poppet. I take time to explain everything that we do and encourage the little one to ask questions and express her own thoughts and feelings.

Summary

The transition from young professional to stay at home parent is a big shift which affects your life in so many ways. There is good and bad, though it’s all relative to your starting point and your expectations.

There were many factors that went into my decision to take an extended career break and spend more time at home with my family. These included weighing up the pros and cons of returning to work, versus the pros and cons of me being at home.

I took a critical look at my options, identified my priorities, and forged a path that aligned with my core values. Ultimately, the decision to become a stay at home parent was most in line my desire to live more simply and intentionally. It is not at all lost on me that I am extremely lucky to be in this position.

The bottom line: You cannot get this precious time with your babies back. If you are able to and willing, I would highly recommend taking as much time as you can to be with your little ones while they are still little.

But, it may not suit everybody. And I have the utmost respect for parents who are able to juggle all of these conflicting responsibilities! If you find you need to return to work, for financial or other reasons, make sure you are intentional and fully in the time you do spend with your family.